


Arms Open

by Little_Lady_Bug



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Male-Female Friendship, Post 4x22, Season/Series 05, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2019-01-05 08:17:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12186321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Lady_Bug/pseuds/Little_Lady_Bug
Summary: Sometimes, all we need is a friend who loves us, when we think we are unlovable.x-x-x-x"I can't unfeel your painI can't undo what's doneI can't stand back the rainBut if I could I wouldMy love, my arms are open"The Script - Arms Open





	Arms Open

**Author's Note:**

> I sketched this a while ago. It was meant to be something else, but it didn't work out. Still, I wanted to post it.  
> Any errors are my own.

"Seven little Soldier Boys chopping up sticks; one chopped himself in halves and then there were six."

I was an unusual way to welcome the agents, but it got the message across. Especially considering Coulson was nowhere to be seen.

On the other hand, if you’d be kind enough to allow me an opinion, my dear reader, I would say it kind of contradicts the speech about how their only goal was to work with them, and that Coulson had gone with them somewhere else out of his own free will.

The fact that they wouldn’t tell them who they were, and where they were, wasn’t exactly helping either…

The guy who welcome them (and used the creepy poem line) had a face that could only be described as "unfriendly". (And maybe Irish, but that's beside the point.) It fit perfectly with the clearly false name he used to introduce himself.

Maybe he liked her boldness, maybe he just didn't care, but when Daisy requested that Jemma and Fitz, as well as Mack and Elena, were allowed to share a room, as proof of good will, he agreed.

Fitz and Simmons got inside and he closed the door, lingering by it, as she approached one of the beds. The room was big enough for both beds, wich were a little bigger then a single bed. Between them, a large night stand, with just a lamp and a digital clock on top of it. On the right wall, a small door, probably a bathroom (they really didn't want them moving around the base). Beside the entrance door, a small shelf and a mini-fridge. It was simple, but it was comfortable and warm.

Finally, after running out of things to look at around the room, Jemma finally looked at Fitz. He was already looking at her, having noticed very little of the room.

There was a huge part of him that wanted to just forget everything and throw himself at her. Hold her, kiss her, love her. But the guilt was too big and too strong, keeping him glued to the floor, torn, so close from everything he wanted, but unable to reach out and take it.

As for her, she wanted the exact same thing. Wanted to feel his arms around her, his lips on hers, his scent surrounding her. But she was hurt, and he was scared, so she didn't move either. The result was two people, staring at each other for what felt like hours, unable to move, but unwilling to look anywhere else.

Surprisingly, Fitz spoke first. Unsurprisingly, he was just trying to escape.

“I think I'll take a shower.”

“I'm sorry, Fitz.”

Her voice made him, stop half way to the bathroom and look back at her.

“For what? “

He'd hurt, and torture, and kill. Why was _she_ the one apologizing?

“I'm sorry that we had to kill her.”

Even as the words left her mouth, she winced. She knew it was a low blow, but she desperately need to know how he felt.

His answer took a few moments and came in a small voice.

“I remember a lifetime of loving her, and I remember a lifetime of loving you. Today, or yesterday, I'm not sure... I had to see both of you die. And I know exactly which death made my heart bleed.”

Rationally, she knew what he meant, but a small part of her still was, even though she wouldn't admit it even to herself... Jealous.

She understood the basics of what have happened in the Framework. She understood that AIDA had removed her and his mom from Fitz's life completely, and inserted herself and Alastair. That those had been the people who had molded Fitz's character, those had been the people who created The Doctor.

At the same time, from everything she had been able to gather, from talking to Daisy, or May, or Coulson, or even from what she had seen herself, he was still Fitz. She had been able to see his essence. The good man inside the monster. A man willing to do whatever it takes to protect the woman he loves, and to make her happy. A man working himself to death to protect the humankind. Even if his work was... misguided?

He has been taught inhumans were a threat, that they were monsters, set to destroy the humans. It was only natural for a person with the wrong premise to reach the wrong conclusion, which would lead to the wrong course of action.

Fitz had always been willing to make extreme decisions for what he believed. He gave her his last breath on the medpod, he gave away his life to save her from Maveth. He went to war zone with Ward, and refuse to leave him alone. He'd done everything he could, and took every opportunity he had to save those he loved. Building a machine was hardly the most extreme decision he'd made.

As for killing, both of them had done it before. She wasn't that hypocrite. She didn't think Fitz regretted shooting Giyera, and she sure as hell didn't lose any sleep over Bakshi. It hurt, but, as a logical, analytical person, she could see why he killed Mace.

Now, I ask of you, my dear reader, that you don't think less of Dr Simmons for trying to make sense of the horrible thinks she saw on the framework. She had to try and understand, so she could help Fitz understand. It is not an easy task, and an emotional person could never do it. Jemma knew she was way more practical and less emotional than Fitz. She knew she had to play devil's advocate.

The truth is, with logic, you can make sense of anything. Do you think villains, real villains, think of themselves as villains. Nearly every cruel person has an explanation to their evilness. Every murderer think of themselves as victims. Every thief thinks they have no other choice. Every genocidal, think they are helping the human race. To combat evil, you must understand it first. Is not an easy task, but someone has to do it.

It is possible, with twisted logic, to convince anybody, of anything. Jemma was simply trying to understand how Fitz convinced himself he was bad, so she could convince him he was good.

However, before she was able to open her mouth, he was inside the bathroom. It started a small battle. He seem determined to wait for her to sleep before leaving the bathroom, and she was determined to be awake when he did.

She cried herself to sleep.

He won.

x-x-x-x-x

They were guided towards some kind of cafeteria. They all arrived in pairs, except one.

“Jemma, what happened? Where’s Fitz?”

Jemma looked at her own feet, and responded in a small voice.

“He didn’t want to come. Said he was still sleepy, and that he wasn’t hungry. Honestly? I don’t know if he actually sleep at all last night. I know I had nightmares all night long…”

“Did you talk at all?”

That night? No. That morning? Even less.

“Sort of… We exchanged a few words before we killed AIDA, and a few more last night. But not much.” She chuckled, but that was only pain in it. Maybe Daisy was the only person she could talk to about that, at least a little. So she added, “He won’t even let me touch him now.”

“I hugged him, before, in the medpod, right after we first escaped AIDA. But now… I touched his shoulder this morning, to wake him up and he flinched away from me… “

“Jemma…” Daisy’s voice was full of sorrow, and she tried to make her friend look at her, to no avail.

“It’s ok…” She tried to smile, but, being on the verge of tears, it was damn impossible. Turns out, she couldn’t really talk abou it… “It’s fine, really.”

“Jemma… No, it’s not!” Her vehemence made the scientist look up. “It sucks! This whole situation sucks! And it’s ok to be angry! It’s ok if you want to shake him, or to hit him until he understands that you love him… Just… Try not to actually hit him.” That made her chuckle for real, and Daisy smiled. “Let’s eat something. Afterwards, I’ll talk to him. See if he will eat something.”

The other girl just nodded and followed her. But we don’t care about what they ate, do we? We are more concerned about Fitz. Honestly, so were they. Both girls barely saw what they were being fed.

Daisy ate fast, and went straight to Fitz’s room. He was in his bed, clearly pretending to sleep, so he put the sandwich she bought him on Jemma's bed.

“So, you jumped back in bed and pretended to sleep when you thought Jemma was back?”

He raised his head, surprised.

“Daisy?” It was a stupid question he didn’t meant to ask, and earned him an eye roll.

“Yes, Daisy. What are you doing, Fitz? Why are you treating Jemma like she had the plague, or something?”

He took a deep breath and sat up. No preamble, then…

“It’s not like that, Daisy.”

She sat by his side, wearing a disbelieving look.

“Then, please, explain it to me, Fitz!” She waited a moment, but he didn’t even look at her “Talk to her, Fitz. Talk to me. Or to Mack, Yo-yo, or even May! But you have to talk to someone.”

As he still wouldn’t look at her, she tried to touch his shoulder, while whispering his name. And then she understood exactly what Jemma was talking about.

He flinched away from her, like he couldn’t stand being touched by her. Suddenly, he was smaller.

Daisy felt a shiver, up her spine, and spreading in the back of her head. Her limbs became slightly numb, and she could taste bile and anger at the back of her throat, therefor her voice sounded low and strangled when she spoke.

“Fitz, what did she do to you?”

Even with his sight downcast, she could see the tears began to form. He knew who she was referring to. Her whole body was now shivering, and she felt the urge to punch something.

Before her, was the kindest, gentlest, sweetest human being she ever had the pleasure to meet, and he was visibly broken. The purest smile in the world, had been torn apart, and replaced with in the darkest of the tears.

She had to stand up in order to stop the earthquake she felt forming in her chest, fighting the tremors like when she first went through terrigenesis.

But he misunderstood her action. When she looked at him again, she saw in his eyes. He was disgusted at himself, and he feared she felt the same. In a matter of seconds, her anger was pushed down. It was still present, but the sorrow, the sadness, and the love she felt for him were the main emotions on her heart now, and the tremors calmed.

Her first impulse was to hug him. Shield him from the world. At that moment, he was that boy again, the one she met when she first arrived at the Bus. It felt like a lifetime ago…

But she didn’t want to upset him any further. So instead, she kneeled in front of him, as close as she dared. He still flinched again. He was wounded and traumatized, and she would do whatever it took to help him.

She started talking without knowing what to say, hoping against hope that she would figure it out along the way.

“Fitz… Fitz, look at me, please. Leo, I’m here for you, no matter what. Just… Talk to me, Leo. Or even look at me, please…”

It was the desperation in her voice that made him look at her. What he saw in her eyes, made him start crying for real. Sobbing, he finally threw his arms around his friend, and sat on the floor in front of her. She held him thigh against her chest, absorbing his shivers.

He was a couple of inches taller than her. Yet, he had shrieked so much, she could almost wrap herself around him.

They spent less than fifteen minutes in that position, but it could have been a minute, or a thousand years. They had been on the floor for thirteen minutes and twenty one seconds, when he first open his mouth, but nothing came out. Twelve seconds later, he tried again, to no avail. She noticed, though, tried to give him some space, but he didn’t let her go very far, and she was glad for it. On his third attempt, he succeeded, but even with them so close to each other, she was barely able to listen.

“I have two lifetimes of memories inside my head. I remember a life in this world. Growing up with my mom, being raised to be good and honest, getting my PhD because I wanted to, going to the Academy to save the world.” His voice was beginning to get more audible. “I remember meeting Simmons. I remember wanting to impress her, because she was so smart... I remember being her best friend for years. I remember falling in love with her, and I remember she, for some reason, falling in love with me.

“But at the same time, confronting and challenging this amazing timeline, I remember another. I remember being raised by my father, to be ruthless and merciless. ‘In a hard word we cannot afford the luxury of shimpathy’, he would say. I joined SHIELD and HYDRA because of him. That’s how I met Ophelia…”

Daisy was doing her best to stay silent, but the mention of her name bought back her rage and she shivered again. Fitz felt it, and stop talking, looking at her with wide, expecting eyes.

“It’s ok, Fitz.” She said, softly. “Go on.”

He took a deep breath and spoke again.

“She hijacked my memories with Simmons, replaced Jemma with herself in the academy. It took me longer, you know? To take interest in her. She was the one who spoke with me first. She tried a few times before I paid her any attention. But she made sure she was always there. Most of my framework memories after I joined the Academy have her in them.” He looked at her eyes, guilt beyond reason “I remembered falling in love with her.”

His voice trembled and he’s voice failed. And Daisy held him close, and waited patiently. It took him two more minutes and five seconds to speak again.

“In the framework, she was the only woman I ever kiss, the only one I ever...”

Suddenly, he pushed her and stood up. He began pacing in the room, like a caged animal. Daisy followed him with her eyes, but didn't stoop up. Instead, she sat on his bed, and waited. He stopped abruptly, with his back to her. She knew he was forcing himself to speak, so she wouldn't interfere.

“My life with Jemma, however brief, was like a dream come true. I love her so much. She is my partner, my best friend, the fucking love of my life. How could I fall for someone else? How is that possible, for me to forget how I felt? How could I love someone else?” He almost shout it, as he turned to her again “What kind of man does that make me?”

She raised her hand to stop him.

“Fitz, it’s not like that, it’s not like you cheated on Jemma. You had your whole life rebuilt. This is not your fault, stop blaming yourself…”

He started shaking his head and turned back to the wall.

“I can’t, Daisy…” He took a deep breath, and she noticed he wasn’t done. He had started; she was going to make sure he finished it. “In the framework, she was everything for me. Her touch was all I longed for. I would have done anything for her. And I did. I killed, and I tortured. I created war machines, and mass murder weapons. I justified that horror show with love for her, and loyalty for my father.”

“Fitz, your framework persona had no idea what love was! Without your mom, and Jemma, and us… That guy didn’t know love.”

He didn’t respond to that. His shoulders started shaking again, he was crying. So she stood up, and tried to touch her. Once again, he filched.

“Fitz…”

He took another deep breath and went to sit on his bed. He was taking a lot of deep breaths that morning, but they were doing shit…

He hid his face on his hands before speaking, wich made his voice harder to hear.

“I remember desiring her. I remember wanting her touch on my skin, I remember wanting her.”

She tried to help him keep going.

“Is that why you avoid our touch?”

He nodded, and removed his hands, looking at the floor.

“After we got back, she took me to the same loft we used to share in the framework. It felt like another reality, the embodiment of a nightmare. And then she touched my shoulder, like she had done so many times in the framework, with the same familiarity. The familiarity of a lifetime shared.” He raised his face, still not looking directly at her, the anger and the sadness on his face were only surpassed by the disgust. “I felt… Unclean. I still fell unclean. I resist the touches because they remind me that I’m unclean. The remind me of her touches.”

Daisy heart bled at those words. Two reasons stopped her for reaching for him. First, she thought he wouldn’t want that. Second, she felt paralyzed. He continued.

“I remember the taste of her lips, the feel of her skin against mine...” His posture and his tone leaked his disgust. “I remember her touching me, and I remember touching her...”

Ok, maybe he didn’t need to say everything at once…

“Fitz… If you don’t want to…”

“No.” He interrupted, looking at her sideways. “I can’t talk to Jemma about this, not yet. But you were right. I need to talk to someone, and I… I trust you, Daisy.”

She gave him a sad smile.

“Thank you.”

He tried to return her smile, but he was unsuccessful.

“I almost didn’t sleep last night. I would close my eyes and I was there again, trapped with her. Being forced to torture you, or to kill Jemma, or to… And this morning, when Simmons touched my shoulder, it was Ophelia’s touch that I remember. My future with Jemma is over…”

That Daisy couldn’t allow.

“No, Fitz, it’s not! It’s not over!”

This time, he really looked at her. He was almost angry.

“Of course it is, Daisy! Didn’t you hear what I just said? I couldn’t let her _touch my shoulder_! How could…”

“It doesn’t matter!” She interrupted. He looked at her like she was mad and stoop up. Now he was angry.

“Doesn’t matter? Are you insane? Of course it matters!” They were basically shouting, but there was nobody close enough to hear.

“It doesn’t! You are traumatized, and hurt, but that won’t last forever. You will get better! You will, well not completely forget what happened, but you will learn to live with it! You will heal!”

He chucked, but it had no trace of humor.

“Heal? Wounds that deep don’t heal that easily! And they sure as hell don’t heal completely!”

“I didn’t say it was going to be easy, or fast, or complete. Yes, it will take time! And, yes, it will leave marks! Deep wounds leave scars! By that’s the thing about scars, Fitz, they are vestiges of deep wounds, that don’t hurt anymore!”

His voice was small when he spoke again.

“Even so… Even if I can forget, even if I could allow myself to fell what I fell for Jemma, how could _she_ want _me_?”

Daisy’s floor sank.

“Fitz, what are you talking about?”

He leaned forward and hugged his owns thighs, still seated at the edge of the bed, looking at his shoes.

“How could _she_ want to even look at me, after what I’ve done? How can she make love to me, knowing that I…”

“Fitz, don’t! It wasn’t even real! It was all inside your head, AIDA never laid a finger on your body!”

He shook his head while responding.

“It doesn’t matter, Daisy. I felt what I felt. I can barely stomach it myself. The memory of what she and I did makes me feel like throwing up. It makes me sick. I can barely understand how you are able to look at me, to touch me, when…” He raised  his head and looked at her, almost desperate “How can she ever… I feel like I’m not good enough for Jemma, Daisy, and I never will be again. Because I can’t erase the past, and I can’t erase what I did.”

“She did.”  Her response was so fast and dry, he let go of his legs completely, looking confused.

“What?”

“ _She_ did. It’s not what _you_ did. It’s what _she_ did. AIDA. _She_ created that word, _she_ put you in there, _she_ changed your history, _she_ removed Jemma from your life, _she_ forced herself on you, _she_ manipulated you…” He tried to interrupt her, but she wouldn’t allow it. He needed to hear it, so she was going to say it. No matter how hard it hurt.  “Everything you did there was her fault, even if you insist it was your decision. And I believe you, I believe you decided to do those things. Because you had the wrong facts. How could you make an informed decision with no information?

“As for the fact that you had sex with AIDA in the framework, we already knew that. We knew you were a couple there. But rest assured, Fitz, that the only person who thinks about it that way, it’s you.

“We know what happened there, all of us, and it makes us feel sorry for you, because we want to protect you. It makes us sad, because we wish you wouldn’t have to live with those memories.

“But we could never be disgusted by you. You are not unclean! You are wounded. Let us help you heel.”

He was sobbing desperately. This time, she didn’t hesitate. She sat on the bed beside him and curled around him again. This time, when he tried to push her away, she didn’t let him. She just hugged him harder, and kissed his head, his temple, and his cheeks.

“I’m not letting you go, Fitz! I’m never letting you go! I love you! I love you with all my heart, and I will keep loving you, even when you can’t love yourself! You are not unclean, you are not disgusting! I will not accept that you feel that way because of AIDA’s actions! She was the monster, and she is gone now! She can’t hurt you anymore! She is gone, and I am here! Me, and Jemma, and Mack, and Yo-yo, and May! We are here for you! We are going to help you, to take care of you, even when you don’t want us to, because we love you. Even if you don’t let me, I will keep holding you, I will keep loving you.”

So he let her.

**Author's Note:**

> I love romance, and falling in love kind of fics, but, apparently, I can't write those... Anyway!  
> Thoughts?


End file.
